The D words

I was blog surfing last night (it was a really weird night last night - couldn't get to sleep, talking to friends etc... and decided that maybe I need to go to Vienna afterall for research purposes after I did quite a bit of raeding etc..) and read my friend's blog. We studied music in SN together and she's a really warm and caring person. A bit of a lunatic in a nice way, cos we used to do crazy things together... those were the nice days.

Anyway, I read that her dad passed away three years ago and was quite shocked. All this while I never knew! I guess after we all left O level days, we never really met up properly to talk about our lives etc... Reading through the archives, i think she's a really brave young girl. Her sis and brother too.. It made me wonder which is a worse way to lose a parent: Death or Divorce.

I can be perfectly honest here and say that i think death is much worse. Least in some cases of divorce, the parent who leaves the kid isn't actually part of the kids' life.Yet the parent who leaves the kid through death has actually left a larger gap in the kid's life.

Break up and divorce is a loss too, but it's a betrayal of love. Not only love in the husband n wife sense, but love for your own kids etc...Full of mean spirited words and feelings, jealousy, ill-intent, betrayal, abandonment, and disrespect. It hurts in a whole different way. A heart shattering way that seems to say, "HA I tricked you! Made you think I loved you, but I really don't." That kind of hurt that makes you feel like a turtle with its belly exposed. The kind of pain that makes you grow a turtle shell over your heart....

Death makes your heart ACHE and throb and cry with sorrow and lonliness and LOVE.
Divorce WRECKS your heart, makes you put barb wire around it to protect it from other people who don't know how fragile a heart is.

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Speaking of betrayal, I can't reiterate how much i hate people who are so ungrateful towards the people around them. People who probably think that they can buy friends by saying 'Let me treat you to a meal' (x 100000) I know of a certain somebody who just seems to be so ungrateful that it's annoying.. Gerald and Poot is right 'Dun bother about such people'. This person who probably doesn't realise that lots of people are helping him from behind... (oh yah, this is the same person who can spend £135 on a single shirt and cufflinks on himself just to feel better about a final exam) (it's like if you have so much money, can you please donate to the 'sponsor ruth's phd fund'?)

To me a friend is like family, you take care of them, you provide for them, because assumably they are watching out for your best interests. A friend is not an acquaintance. People often have a lot of acquaintances, but not necessarily a lot of friends. You care about the people a friend cares about, not out of any personal interest, but because our friendships form webs of interlinking interests.To me, a friend is not someone who you will say 'I treat u to many meals' after that friend has helped u.. You show your appreciation through care and concern, and your willingness to help them out when they are in need...

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Just for the sake of it: (cos looking at pictures of it brought back many many memories from a few years back)...



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R and I started watching Friends from Series 1 episode 1 and we just came to the end of Series 3 tonight. The aim is to finish watching all 10 series before I go back to Singapore.. Hmm.. might be a tough one. But least we can still aim towards it. We're just at the point now where Ross is confused between Rachel and Bonnie...

Then it occured to me: What if Ross and Rachel never wanted a break? How would things have turned out? Here are some possible answers

-Ross wouldn't have cheated on rachel and everything would be ok and joey would have gotten his pizza and had gone to the bathroom.

- They would have gone on longer, but then somewhere there would have to have be some bump in the road cos they were a very tortured couple.

- They wouldn't have a fight and they would both still be together!!! (in the ideal world...)

- They would have to take a break sometime because Ross was really jealous. He probably felt threatened by Mark because he, Ross, was a geek in high school and now he was with the woman of his dreams. He didn't want anyone to take her away from him. But, in the end, he would have to screw it up himself because, let's face it, it's television. Things don't work out if you are too paranoid to enjoy them.

- Ross and Rachel would have never broke up but ross would still be jealous of Mark for no reason

- Ross and Rachel would still be together and ,who knows, maybe have gotten married!!!

- There will still be something to break them up for a while because that's how life is



Why am I so desperate for Ross and Rachel to get back together?? *scratch head*

Ok.. i admit it.. I'm bored.. I'm off to sleep now i guess...