Life and Letters

We all spend a good part of our lives obeying our parents - it is something that most of us have been instilled with since we were young. Yet, there comes a point when we wonder if parents really do give the best advice. I know parents mean well most of the time with their advice, but sometimes I do wonder if my mom's advice will land me in trouble.

However, we also learnt that when we grow up into adults, we need to be filial to our parents. Yet just how much should we do for our parents? When do we draw the line between giving them everything they ask for and not?

I think the first thing to do is to separate needs from wants.
It's easy for anyone who's been taken care of to request for things that are just not practical. I feel that as we grow up, the roles between parents and children are somewhat reversed. We, as children, end up taking care of our parents just like how our parents took care of us as kids. It was also so easy to ask for the latest toy or something that was more of a want than a need. I have a friend, A, whose mother started asking for lots of cosmetics the minute she started working. When A said it was impractical to be buying so much cosmetics for someone who hardly used cosmetics in her life, A's mum pointed out that the reason why she didn't buy cosmetics for herself was because she was saving up for A.

Second thing: Do face fears
Parents' demands can trigger elemental fears—the looming specter of their mortality, the scary knowledge that a parent's decline brings us a step closer to our own old age. But only by facing fears can we defuse them and put ourselves back in control. My sis has pointed out many times that i'm just afraid of death. It's a truth which i don't deny. Sometimes when my mum starts to talk about her years left in this world, I get really irritated. But in actual fact, its the fear of that day in the future. Maybe if i told my mum one day that i was scared of being alone in this world, then maybe she'll start to realise my insecurities too.

Third thing: Do Say No—but Gently
It's not easy—especially when we're faced with a request we're not prepared to argue against. Typical example is the current situation my sis and i are facing.

Fourth thing: Don't Mistake Money for Caring
People who confuse the two often come from families in which money was a defining issue. I think this is the biggest problem i'm facing now....

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I've been through an emotional rollercoaster for the past few days. First a sleepless night, and then spending a day in a daze as i walked through the bullring not really conscious of what i was doing. All i was aware of was the fact that i had to get a certain number of things, out of which I only got 1. I've spent nights in Symphony Hall not knowing what was going on around me, but conscious enough to direct people to the right seats and doors or to give the right change when selling ice-creams. But what i've realised in these few weeks of festivities in Symphony Hall is that the sales industry can be so artificial. I found myself smiling and saying 'Merry Christmas. Good night' or 'I'm glad you enjoyed the concert' without even meaning it. It was well scary, given the fact that I hate being the kind of person that smiles for the sake of smiling. People might leave Symphony Hall after their night out thinking 'that steward on door 2 was really nice and friendly' but I wasn't at all being sincere. I was just doing a job.

Anyway, unresolved issues from 6 years ago started to haunt me and I guess i just didn't know how to handle them. In fact, bringing up the whole matter is going to be tough but it has to be done in order to move on. Let's see what the next few days bring. HOpefully i'll get all this out of my system before 2007 dawns upon us....

Speaking of which, Happy 2007 to all.. and this time, i really mean it.